No Storm Waves, for Now

Yesterday was my first re-check by my doctor after three months chemo-free.  The technical update is CA125 elevated by 3, no need for concern were the first words I heard.  After my exam, I was given the "everything seems good" and we are still clinically in a 'good place'.  Since I am currently feeling good, with the exception of a few on-going chemo side effects, we will continue on another 3-month no chemo cycle.  What I learned yesterday is that even though the chemo drugs are out of my system, the after effects can remain for quite a while.  She did not seem overly concerned about mine, just instructed me to keep an eye on things and call her if anything changes.  I can do that!  I must say that there is not one part of me that misses those 6 to 7 hour days of infusion.  As wonderful as the chemo nurses are, and as comfortable as they make it for all of us there, it's really not a great way to spend the day.  There has been a positive to those days, however, and that is that I met some wonderful people there.  People who know what it's like to be me, who have and are still going through it.  People with whom I put no disguise on for. That doesn't mean that it's all doom and gloom with them.  Quite the opposite.  We talk about things other than cancer, we tell stories about our lives, and we even laugh. But if I happen to be having a day where I'm feeling scared, or down, or just tired of it all, I don't have to hide that.  My friends just nod their heads in understanding because they've all been there. That comforts me, because there are times when I'm with 'normal' people that I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. And I feel an obligation to appear upbeat and feeling good so as not to worry people. Sometimes, that is exhausting. This disease can do that.

But, enough of that.  For now, the waters are still, and if there was a beach nearby I'd roll up my pants, take off my shoes and enjoy the feel of the gentle sea washing up and over my feet.  But since this is the desert I'll just settle for enjoying the beautiful spring desert blooms, the lovely days and the beautiful sunsets over the mountains.  And I'll thank God for the opportunity to do this.