Obviously, the title is borrowed from Shakespeare, but it's fitting for this post. Cancer = blood work, scans, chemo infusions, days spent recovering from chemo, shots to boost up white blood cell counts, and yes, facing one's own mortality. Some days, these tasks are easier than others.
And one other thing it brings is dreams...vivid dreams. In these dreams I see my brothers and my Dad, all who have gone before me. Most of the dreams are pleasant, some not so much. But much to my surprise was the dream I had last night. I was with one of my best friends from high school, Patty Prenevost. I'm using her real name in the extremely off chance that someone who knew her, perhaps even a family member, will see this and know that she is thought of and still missed. Patty and I kept our friendship alive by meeting for coffee every month or so. She passed away after a brief battle with liver cancer. I didn't know. My husband and I were wintering in AZ, and my last contact with her was when I sent her her annual birthday card in January. The day after our return from AZ, Patti's husband called to tell me she had passed. My breath literally left my body, my knees felt weak. She never told me she was sick. I couldn't take it in. I think it was the only thing she never shared with me. I hung up, sat down on the floor and cried.
But last night we were together again at a high school reunion, smiling, laughing, saying sarcastic remarks about certain people (yes, I admit it....they were sarcastic, but they made us laugh). And last night I got to hear that laugh again, see her face and enjoy her company.
So why these dreams about people I've loved and lost? Is it the chemo, the meds I take, or me trying to face my own mortality? I like to think that these dreams are a preview of coming attractions; that I will see them all again. I don't really know. But what I do know is that the dreams usually make me smile in the morning, and waking up with a smile sure beats the alternative! So thank you Patty. It was awesome seeing you again!
However you had "the visit" from Patty, it does not matter. I have had such visits from those who have passed on and it is wonderful to commune with them. I prefer to think they have come to me; that it is not related to medications, dreams, or whatever. For me, they are angels with a message to me. And yes, it is awesome!
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