Monday of this week I had chemo. Here comes the poison, Carboplatin and Doxil. On Wednesday, a Neulasta shot to pump up the bone marrow and replenish the white blood cells knocked down by the chemo.
Thursday and Friday? Nightmarish pain all over, the headache from hell, literally can't keep my eyes open, can barely move about, but can't sleep, stomach pain, nausea. I've probably left something out, but that's enough to get the point across.
But today the fog is lifting, and I can remember that all is not bad, when you are surrounded by love.
The kind of love from a husband who:
- tells you you're beautiful when you know you're not
- reassures you that this too will pass
- cries in the night when he thinks you are sleeping
- goes with you to all your chemo sessions and doctor appointments
- remembers to ask all the right questions when my brain can't
- reaches over and holds your hand in the middle of the night.
- learned how to grocery shop and cook so I don't have to
The kind of love from a daughter who:
- calls to see how I am doing
- makes me laugh because she knows I need to
- allows me to cry, because she knows I need to
- is smart enough to realize how much I hold back so as not to worry her
- continues to support me
- shares her life and her worries with me, because she knows it is good for me to still feel needed.
The kind of love from family and friends who:
- call me regularly
- send me cards
- don't sugar coat my illness
- remind me often how much they care.
My husband's side of the family recently held their annual golf tournament, the one we've had to miss the last two years. All of the winning female event prizes were dedicated to me; yes, so touching! I must admit tho, that I thought that meant I would actually get all the prizes in the mail. I'm still waiting, people!!!!!!
Lesson learned? Through all this, there are still gifts. It's helpful, so helpful, to pause and remember them. Thank you, all of you.
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