To sleep, perchance to dream?

Obviously, the title is borrowed from Shakespeare, but it's fitting for this post.  Cancer = blood work, scans, chemo infusions, days spent recovering from chemo, shots to boost up white blood cell counts, and yes, facing one's own mortality.  Some days, these tasks are easier than others.

And one other thing it brings is dreams...vivid dreams.  In these dreams I see my brothers and my Dad, all who have gone before me.  Most of the dreams are pleasant, some not so much.  But much to my surprise was the dream I had last night.  I was with one of my best friends from high school, Patty Prenevost.  I'm using her real name in the extremely off chance that someone who knew her, perhaps even a family member, will see this and know that she is thought of and still missed.  Patty and I kept our friendship alive by meeting for coffee every month or so.  She passed away after a brief battle with liver cancer.  I didn't know.  My husband and I were wintering in AZ, and my last contact with her was when I sent her her annual birthday card in January.  The day after our return from AZ, Patti's husband called to tell me she had passed.   My breath literally left my body, my knees felt weak.  She never told me she was sick.  I couldn't take it in.  I think it was the only thing she never shared with me. I hung up, sat down on the floor and cried.

But last night we were together again at a high school reunion, smiling, laughing, saying sarcastic remarks about certain people (yes, I admit it....they were sarcastic, but they made us laugh).  And last night I got to hear that laugh again, see her face and enjoy her company.

So why these dreams about people I've loved and lost?  Is it the chemo, the meds I take, or me trying to face my own mortality?  I like to think that these dreams are a preview of coming attractions; that I will see them all again. I don't really know.  But what I do know is that the dreams usually make me smile in the morning, and waking up with a smile sure beats the alternative!  So thank you Patty.  It was awesome seeing you again!

Pinktober

It’s October, and everyone know what that means.  The color pink is everywhere, it’s goal to raise money for breast cancer research, or so many people think.  Actually, only 20.9% of it’s annual budget goes to research, while 39.1% goes to Public Health Education.  Really?  Is there anyone over the age of 10 that doesn’t know what Pinktober stands for?  And perhaps most shocking is the fact that a paltry 5.6% goes to treatment.

While I realize that breast cancer is devastating to any women who find themselves faced with it, I’d like to point out something that most people DON’T know.  September is Ovarian Cancer Research month.  Our color is teal.  Do you see that displayed on products you buy, are you asked by any cashier, anywhere if you’d like to donate to Ovarian Cancer Research?

Ovarian cancer strikes a smaller proportion of women annually, approximately 22,000 women in the US will be diagnosed each year.  And even if detected early, the disease is most often deadly.  There is no screening for early detection.  It is often not detected by an annual exam and pap smear.  It’s symptoms generally mimic gastrointestinal problems and is often misdiagnosed as such until it has progressed to late stage.  I know this because it happened to me.

Know the symptoms, which are often diagnosed as IBS or urinary disorders:

• Frequent urgent need to urinate
• Changes in bowel habits
• Quickly feeling full when eating
• Abdominal cramping, hardness, and bloating
• Lower back pain or abdominal pain

And the next time someone asks you if you want to donate to Breast Cancer, go ahead and donate if your feel the need, but you might also ask them why they don’t recognize that September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and why don’t they publicize and support that?  Because for the sake of all women, everywhere, awareness is key.  Research is key.  The right treatment is key.  And the only way to turn the key and unlock the mystery of this disease is by calling as much attention to it as is called to breast cancer.